Something I wouldn’t want my parents to read
I never thought I’d be one to experiment with hard drugs.
But hey, college happens.
The first time I took Molly was awesome. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly how much MDMA I felt, because I was already drunk and high on marijuana when I took the pill. I was at a concert on New Year’s Eve with my now-boyfriend (we weren’t official at the time) and I ran into a friend from high school who hooked us each up with a pill. I was too out of my mind to realize if we took a pill or a capsule…if it was simply a pressed pill then I know now we did not have pure MDMA. (My second experience was so much more intense than my first, so it makes me wonder if what we took the first time was pure stuff).
Regardless, I’ve never felt so alive. While swaying to the music and being held for hours by my date, I almost had to physically stop myself from saying “I love you.” I was so in love with him that night. We kissed and hugged and coddled each other for hours. We had only been seeing each other for about a month or so at that point, and I had been on a family vacation for a week before the concert, so I was so excited to see him and everything about us was so fresh and new and wonderful. Mixed with MDMA, I experienced a sense of pleasure and joy that I have never felt before. Never in my life had I felt so happy, so serene, so glad to be alive. I felt young, free, and in love. So, so very in love. The concert let out at about 2:30 am. We took a cab back to campus and hung with some of his friends until about 5 or 6 am. I couldn’t sleep that night, I was too wired.
The second time happened a few months later. A friend of mine asked if I wanted to accompany her and some other friends to see a DJ perform at a club downtown. I had never heard of the guy, but I could afford to spend a Thursday night out. I agreed. She told me they were trying to get some Molly. I wondered if this time would be as great because I wasn’t with my boy.
My friends managed to get it in crystal form. I purchased my own little baggy with four tiny, translucent crystals. This seemed really hardcore, and I was nervous. On the subway there, I was tired and didn’t really feel like going out. I had already paid for my ticket, though, and I thought maybe the Molly would wake me up. Boy, did it wake me up.
I swallowed the crystals within the first hour of arriving at the show. It took a little to kick in, and I was nervous. After about 45 minutes we moved our way to the front of the stage to wait for the main guy to come on and DJ. I had gotten a glass of water from the bar and I started to notice I was ferociously spinning my drink with the straw. When I looked down, the glass and the ice cubes looked like a 3-D movie. Sure, I know life is 3-D, but this was different and unexplainable. The lights from the stage retracted off my glass, and starting spinning like objects within my drink. I realized it had finally hit me. I felt like my feet weren’t touching the ground. I was floating…weightless. I grabbed my friend next to me, and we held each other for a moment as a sort of protection. It was her first time rolling, and she almost couldn’t handle it at first. “Holy shit” was all we could make out. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, chewed my gum, and let the atmosphere engulf me. I had an out of body experience…it was like the music was floating right through me. I couldn’t feel anything bad..everything was so easy, so effortless. I was dancing, but it was not me who was controlling my body. My body was being controlled by the sounds around me.
My friend and I had to keep leaving the stage and going to the bar to get more water like, every half hour. It was ridiculous, but I knew I had to stay hydrated. The whole time we were just talking about how much we loved each other and had these deep talks about life and our past. We were talking really fast and laughing really funny. Everything felt so good, I kept running my fingers through my hair and rubbing my lips because it just felt so amazing. One of the guys that we came with put on a light show for us with these cool rave gloves he had, and that was pretty great too. During our peak, I felt like my senses were heightened, everything looked, sounded, tasted, felt…just so amazing. Everything was fast, and spinny and floaty…those are the adjectives I can think to describe it right now. It was like being drunk, in the sense that my inhibitions were low, but everything else was super high. The world seemed clearer. My words, more articulate. Everyone and everything was beautiful.
My friend and I were also amazed by how delicious the ice cubes in our water tasted. We chewed them all night. The guy at the bar asked me what the hell I was tripping on. I guess it was obvious.
When I started to come down from my peak, I finally understood what they meant by “rolling.” I suddenly felt like my feet hit the ground. I was no longer weightless, but weighed down. I didn’t like this feeling and had to wait a little before I came up again. This continued about four or five times. I rolled and rolled and rolled until I finally stopped for a long time. I started coming up again on the walk back to the bus stop, but that wasn’t as fun.
I got home that night, and virtually didn’t sleep at all until my class the next morning. I ended up making it to my morning class but skipping my afternoon classes because I was so hungover. The come down was kind of bad, I was really moody and tired for about 2-3 days afterwards, and could still feel the effects until the following weekend.